


October 31: Free Day #14

by Perpetual Motion (perpetfic)



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Free day, Kinktober 2019, M/M, and I refuse to listen to a nostalgia argument to forgive it, today's kink is i like soft shit, wherein I am horrified by watching Hocus Pocus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-01
Updated: 2019-11-01
Packaged: 2021-01-16 05:57:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21266186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/perpetfic/pseuds/Perpetual%20Motion
Summary: Hocus Pocus ages badly, and I made Sonny and Rafael comment on it. I regret nothing except watching Hocus Pocus.





	October 31: Free Day #14

"That's the third reference to Carrie Bradshaw wanting to fuck a male person under the age of consent," Rafale says under his breath. 

Sonny doesn't even try to argue. He glances from the television--where Hocus Pocus is playing--down to the floor where Noah and Jesse are entranced. Billie's asleep in the cradle next to Sonny so he can rock her as needed while the older kids watch the movie. "Yeah," he says slowly, as quietly as Rafael had spoken to him. "I don't remember that part from when I was a kid."

"It does not age well," Rafael replies, and the smile he flashes Sonny is rueful. "At least I think we're done with the virgin jokes."

*

They are not done with the virgin jokes. There's another handful of them before the movie ends, and there's a scene where the main character's mom is dressed as cone-boobed Madonna.

"If I drank every time I was horrified, I'd be passed out," Rafael mutters when the cone boobs make an appearance. 

"Should we turn it off?" Sonny asks. "Or is that going to cause questions we don't want to answer?"

Rafael glances at Jesse and Noah. They're still fully engaged in the film. "I'll text Liv and Amanda we made a bad choice fueled by nostalgia, and they should prepare themselves for some questions."

"Like what? What's the age of consent in Massachusetts?" Sonny mutters.

"Or why it's so bad to be a virgin," Rafael replies as yet another virgin joke gets fired off by the eight-year-old little sister.

*

At the end of the film, when Thackery Binx kisses Dani on the cheek and promises to always be with her, Sonny and Rafael just stare at each other in wide-eyed horror. 

"That was supposed to be big brotherly," Sonny says as the credits start to roll.

"Did it land for you?" Rafael says. "As the only person in this room who is a big brother?"

"It did not."

*

Noah sits in front of the coffee table folding origami stars while Jesse sits on Rafael's lap and flips through a picture book. "Uncle Sonny?" he asks. 

"Yeah?" Sonny asks. He's got Billie in his arms, patting her back to get her to burp after her bottle. 

"I don't think the movie was very good."

Sonny cuts Rafael a glance. Rafael shakes his head impercitably, telling Sonny to just let Noah say his piece. "You didn't like it?" Sonny asks.

Noah looks up, and his face is very serious. "I know what a virgin is," he says with the bone-deep sincerity of a kid who knows a grown-up fact. "And Mom said it's not weird to be a virgin, but the movie acted like it was weird to be a virgin."

"It did act like that," Sonny agrees. "How did you learn what a virgin was?" he feels Rafael giving him the flat stare that translates to, "Really?" But Sonny doesn't care. Knowing how Noah knows the meaning of the word could be useful. 

"I went to Mass with a friend, and the priest told a story about the Virgin Mary, and I asked Mom what that meant, and she said a virgin is someone who hasn't had sex."

"That's true."

"And she said there's nothing weird about being a virgin except that the Virgin Mary got pregnant without having sex, and that's why it's important to call her the Virgin Mary because it means her pregnancy was...innoculate?"

"Immaculate," Rafael corrects with a small smile. "It means it happened because it was a miracle."

"Immaculate," Noah repeats. "Yeah. But she said that's the only reason it was weird. Because you're not a virgin if you're pregnant unless you're Mary."

"That's also true," Sonny says. 

"Why is the movie weird about virgins, then? If it's not weird to be a virgin?"

Sonny glances at Rafael, silently asking for help. 

"The movie is a little older," Rafael says. "It's almost as old Lucy."

"Wow. That's old," Noah says. 

Sonny and Rafael share a quick look to make sure they're both quietly dying inside. "Older movies," Rafael replies after he and Sonny have had their moment of turning to dust together, "sometimes have a view on things that we've learned since then isn't a good view to have."

"Or we knew it was a bad view then, but it was still used as a joke in stuff," Sonny adds.

Noah folds another star as he considers what they've said. He puts the finished star aside and looks at Rafael and Sonny with a sincere concern. "But jokes are supposed to be funny."

This time, when Sonny and Rafael look at one another, it's to help each other keep a straight face.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know that I ever saw Hocus Pocus when I was a kid, but I put it on tonight because the bestie and I decided to see if we had any memories of it, and WOW. So many "jokes" about being a virgin and Sarah Jessica Parker thirsting after boys under the age of consent. It does NOT sit comfortably. I am not looking to have my mind changed on this fact.


End file.
